I lay here in my bed and grieve for what
I may not have – for love of spouse and smile
Of child and ties bound close to fellow man.
These are good things, my heart cries out, and yet
I am denied much of the happiness
of earth. How can the great good God I know
Keep all these joys away, when all around
I see them given freely to all else
It seems – just not to me. This is a time
For grief and rage and fear. The God I love
Is strong enough to bear the storm that comes
Out of my bruised and bleeding, broken heart.
Though here on earth pain oft prevails, there are
Swift flashes of such poignant joy that bring
The tears into my eyes. I know that all
Such moments point to fairer lands and times.
Those lands and times will come to me at end
Of all I know; till then I cling with thin,
Forlorn desire to promises of grief
Allayed, and while yet here on earth I seek
For joy amidst the pain. The power of
These tarnished specks stems from the hope they bear:
That all the lack I so fear here will be
Redeemed for great, untrammeled, boundless joy.
I wrote this poem in November 2021, when I was about 1.5 years into my journey with ME/CFS. I’m now just over three years into it, and I revisit this poem regularly to remind myself both that it is OK to grieve and that there is still joy and hope in my life.
This poem was submitted as part of the Reflections of ME/CFS and FM and Long COVID Awareness Day Virtual Event on May 9th, 2023.
#MillionsMissing #MillionsMore #Hope4MECFS #Hope4FM #Hope4LongCOVID